New Girls' Network

Where does conflict between women come from? (Hint: it’s not their natural cattiness.)

• Retta is the only woman assigned to her secretary, Lisa, and Retta’s work is consistently the last work Lisa gets done. When Retta complains that her work is being neglected, Lisa goes to HR and tells them she doesn’t like working for women.
• Valerie has been at her new job a couple of weeks when an older colleague, Janice, pulls her aside and tells her the necklines on her blouses are getting her the wrong kind of attention. Valerie is angry at Janice for criticizing her style.
• Julie has always looked upon Madeline as something of a mentor, but when Julie comes up for a promotion to a position at Madeline’s level, she’s shocked to find out that the strongest opposition came from her.

• There’s no wrong way to be a woman:

  You’re never going to come across someone whose life looks exactly like yours. That’s probably for the best. Mentors and allies come in all different guises, and things aren’t going to get better if we can’t look past our differences to find what we have in common.

• Recognize the limits of the sisterhood:

  Should women always support each other just because they share a gender? That isn’t always the way things work in real life – and there’s no reason it should be. When you’re dealing with an apple to your orange, try to treat the conflict the same way whether it’s with a man or a woman.

• Get involved in women’s groups:

  Being a woman in a male-dominated world can be very isolating. When there are no organic ways for a community of women to come together, a women’s group can serve as a remedy for isolation, as well as a place to address some of the problems women confront.

• Find strength in numbers:

  When women are in the minority, sex becomes a defining characteristic, which makes bias much worse – research shows women are less likely to be stereotyped if they make up at least a quarter of a group. Having other women around doesn’t just mean the potential for a stronger community or understanding allies. It actually means there’s less bias to deal with in the first place.