New Girls' Network

Do women with children opt out of high-powered jobs – or are they pushed out?

The bias triggered by motherhood is by far the strongest form of gender bias. One prominent study found that mothers are 79% less likely to be hired, 100% less likely to be promoted, offered an average of $11,000 less in salary, and held to higher performance and punctuality standards than women without children. Mothers face assumptions that being committed to work makes them bad mothers and that being committed to motherhood shows they are bad professionals.

• Josephine takes two months of maternity leave after she has her first child. When she comes back to the office, she can’t get assigned to any significant projects, and spends her time doing administrative work instead.
• Jeannie finds out that big project she had been angling for was assigned to a male co-worker. When she asks why she was overlooked, her boss says since the project involved travel, he knew she wouldn’t want it – she wouldn’t want to be away from her kids that much.
• Emily leaves work early for a meeting in an office building across town. When she comes in the next day, her co-worker asks if the babysitter fell through.

• Get over yourself:

  Buy the pre-made cookies at Safeway, get a Halloween costume-in-a-bag, leave the kids with a babysitter and go out on a date. Don’t try so hard to be a perfect mother that you can’t even be a good (or a sane) one.

• Don’t leave before you leave:

  Sheryl Sandberg said it best. You’re going to have to make some adjustments when you have kids. That doesn’t mean you should start making those adjustments before you have kids. Show your commitment while you can, so that when you actually do need to step back a little, you’ll have a career you can come back to.

• Set clear limits:

  Don’t let your family responsibilities take over your job – but don’t let your job take over your life, either! Decide what parts of family time are non-negotiable and put them on your calendar as a meeting. They don’t need to know you are at a parent-teacher conference.

• Demand change at home:

  If you’re married or have a partner, your most valuable asset in the workplace is found at home. As Ruth Bader Ginsburg said, a supportive husband (or partner) “is a must for any woman who hopes to combine marriage and a career.”

• Present solutions, not problems:

  When you’re available to take on a project, let your supervisors know. If you want an alternative working arrangement, show how the work will get done and how your proposal will benefit the company.

• Have your comebacks ready:

  You’re going to reach a point when “I don’t know how you do it!” is going to make you want to stab the speaker with a fork. Whether your style is sincere (“Yes, it’s hard”) or sarcastic (“The robot slave is a lifesaver”), have a go-to response to dismiss the comment and move on.

• Your dirty little secret?:

  Do the people you work with know yours kids’ names, birthdays, and favorite foods – or do they know you have kids at all? This strategy goes both ways: many women decide to mention their kids as little as possible, while others are upfront on theory being that being a mother is nothing to hide.